Day two

Awesome choir practice tonight. God spoke several times...at least once to my heart. I know somewhere within that if I could just "let go and let God" as they say I would be a far happier person. And He said tonight that just looking to Him and serving Him will bring you joy. I hear that and I know it is true because He said it. My problem is that I'm not sure what He means by joy. I know that I should just be happy that I am saved and on my way to heaven when the time comes and I am. I praise Him every day that He loves me enough to grant me the grace and mercy that I need. But I want to be happy here. And is that a prideful, selfish thing to ask? Is it too much to ask? I don't really know. I hear teacher/preacher after teacher/preacher say that God intends for us to be happy here on earth as well as when we get to heaven...but how does that come about? A point to ponder on....maybe there will be an answer one day as I work through the issues that I see in me.

Personality trait number one that I need to analyze...accommodating. This is an ongoing joke with some friends of mine. It's funny...maybe...depends on why it's there. It has some pros and cons attached to it. Pro-easy to get along with = popular. People like to be around people who are agreeable because we all believe that what we want and our opinions are of course the correct ones. Am I being agreeable just to keep in the good graces of people so they will like me? I hope not. I know that I am willing to just go along for the ride to be accepted. Pretty sad. Pretty pitiful. Wanting so badly to be included that you are willing to give up something of yourself. Oh, wait a minute....isn't that what friends do? Don't friends do some give and take? Or am I just rationalizing my behavior? Hmmmm.... However, the cons are that people get tired of making your mind up for you. Bummer. Most of the time it is easier for someone else to make up my mind. I sure don't know what to do with it. People think you are just being wishy-washy or something because you don't have an opinion. Maybe so... How to change that? I don't know...further thought will have to be given to that.